A fundamental part of being a part of a local church body is abiding in community with one another. With community there inevitably comes conflict. Even as born-again Christians, we maintain our sinful flesh that inclines us towards relational conflict. In order to maintain the unity of the Spirit in our local church body, we need to know how to navigate conflict in a Christ-like way.

Steve’s Main Points

Why must we do conflict well?

• Jesus died for our unity. (John 17:22)

• Our unity is a testament to the power of the gospel.

• By good conflict we can gain a brother or sister

• God commands us to be reconciled with one other

When must we engage in conflict?

• When the situation is dishonoring to God.

• When the situation is damaging a relationship.

• When the situation is hurting others

• When the situation is hurting the offender

How can we prepare ourselves for conflict?

• Take time to meditate on the gospel, and its implications for the situation

• Remove the log from your own eye.

• Remove the speck from your friends eye.

How do we go about having a hard conversation?

• Speak with gentleness and candor.

• Choose the right time and place.

• Go in private at first, before widening the circle.

How do I receive a hard conversation?

• Humble yourself

• Listen to seek understanding

• Fully own your part in the conflict

Main Takeaways

• The goal of conflict in to find reconciliation, not to be “right”.
• The gospel, when meditated on and believed, produces humility and humility is necessary for good conflict resolution.
• It is a glory to overlook an offense, so when it is wise, release people from their trespasses.
• In order to do conflict well, you must prepare your heart for it.
• You ought to assume the best in people until you are given a reason not to.
• In order to facilitate good conflict you must be ready to own your part.

Discussion Questions/Application

1. When speaking of how to own your part, Steve challenged us to not be a “WENI”. This acronym stands for “Withdraw, Escalation, Negative Interpretation, Invalidation.” When in conflict, which of these pitfalls do you find yourself inclined towards? What can you do in the future to avoid these trappings?
2. When in conflict, do you find that your primary objective is to be right rather than to be reconciled? If so, what can you do to rewire your thinking?
3. Is there anyone in your life right now with whom there is open conflict? What can you do to go be reconciled to that person for the sake of your witness?

Additional Passages Referenced

John 17:15-24, Matthew 18:15-19, Matthew 7:3-5, Luke 18:9-15, Romans 12:14-18, Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 27:6, Proverbs 25:11.